Of Kooky Conspiracies

Some of you were very disappointed with the results of the presidential election, but buck up: things could have been much worse. The elections could have been canceled by the Jews, or the Catholics, or both, right after Bush lead a bombing invasion of Iran, leaving us in a state of emergency to live under martial law.

That's right. I'm not sure how both the Jews and Catholics are involved. I do know this: Bush wasn't intelligent enough to mastermind his plot to stop the United States elections and give himself absolute power. His police state would have plunged our nation into fascism, but he was just the puppet.

I bet you now feel, as I do, that suddenly, an Obama presidency doesn't sound that bad.

Are you shaking your head right now, wondering who would believe such nonsense? Believe it or not, my MySpace bulletin board was filled by such conspiracy theories (but don't you dare call them theories!) by the self-styled Prophetic One. Here are a couple of bulletins predicting our imminent doom (I retained the original links to the bulletins for reporting purposes, but note they have since expired):

From here.

From: http://a60.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/109/s_899b3aff29e3a987a6b9bbd3b7047e93.jpg The Prophetic One


Date: Aug 29, 2008 8:52 AM

Subject: re: THE JESUITS WILL CANCEL USA '08 ELECTIONS !

Body:

----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: ·ï¡÷¡ï·Mårïå·ï¡÷¡ï·
Date: Aug 29, 2008 10:24 AM


This will be the next step of the Zionist/Israeli plan to take global domination and bring in their New World Order.


Bush/Cheney are going to bomb Iran!!! They will then declare a national emergency, this will give them the legal grounds to declare Martial Law. Your rights will be taken away, the constitution will be burned and there will be hyper inflation.


Nor Obama or Mccain will become president, they are merely a distraction from all the corruption taking place in Washington. Bush has spent the last 7 years of his presidency giving more and more power to himself and passing many bills with loop holes. He has been working to take all power away from the congress and is almost at the stage of Absolute Fascist Ruler of the United States of Israel. His presidency is almost over(which is what the average sheep thinks) but Bush has decided that he doesn't want to leave the white house, so he will just simply cancel the elections.


The Zionists have the power and I fear that they can't be stopped.






(Oh, my, the video has been removed by the user!)

I assume "the constitution will be burned" is hyperbole, but I'm sure the rest is genuine belief. Again, I'm not certain why the terms "Jesuits" and "[presumably, Jewish] Zionists" are used interchangeably.

I really like the phrase "United States of Israel," though... there's a nice ring to it.

My question is now this: is it now safe to believe that Bush is out of power? I don't want to be a sheep anymore, so please tell me what to think. (Wait a minute...)

Next one, from here:

Date: Sep 25, 2008 9:15 AM

Subject: 2008 ELECTIONS WILL BE CANCELLED: LA Times reporter

Body: IT IS NO SECRET THAT THE FEDERAL AMERICAN GOVERMENT Is PLANNING A STAGED TERROR ATTACK TO BRING THE ENTIRE COUNTRY UNDER MARTIAL LAW, BUSH IS ON A SUPER POWER TRIP AND HE IS PARACIDIEALLY FEEDiNG OFF THE AMERICAN PEOPLES FEARS AND AS A WHOLE SALE EXCHANGE OF CIVIL LIBERTIES TAKES PLACE FOR A FALSE SECURITY, NO MORE BRANCHES OF THE GOVERMENT EXZIST ANYMORE NO LEGISLATURE, NO EXECUTIVE AND NO JUDICIARY, ALL POWER NOW FLOWS DIRECTLY FROM ABSOLUTE TYRANNY PLEASE GOOGLE THE FOLLOWING BILLS AND SEE FOR YOUR OWN GOOD THE SMALLEST THING COULD TRIGGER MARTIAL LAW YOU CAN BE SWEPT UP OFF THE STREETS STRIPPED OF YOUR CITIZENSHIP AND SECRETLY EXCUTED ALL FOR BEING A SUSPECTED DOMESTIC TERRORIST OR BETTER YET ALL IN THE NAME OF FIGHTING INVISABLE TERROR WELCOME TO THE FUTURE HI TECT POLICE STATE OF AMERICA THE MORE HIS APPROVAL RATING DROP THE MORE EFFORT BUSH WILL PUSH TO SHOW YOU HOW MUCH POWER HE HAS AND THE TERM '
'HOMELAND' IS AN EASTERN GERMAN NAZI TERM BUSH HAS A GLOBAL AGENDA AND IT IS CALLED NEW WORLD ORDER OR illuminati....

THIS REALLY MEANS THE VATICAN IS TAKING OVER AMERICA & THE PLANET...TO FORCE EVERYONE UNDER NATIONAL SUNDAY LAW !






(Oh, my, the video has been removed by the user!)

First, no, I don't know what "PARACIDIEALLY" means... it wasn't on one of my vocab lists while I was in middle school. My guess is that the original author (if you Google the word, you discover that the "Prophetic One" copies-and-pastes his prophesies, as do many other people) intended to make parasite into an adverb; in which case it should be parasitically.

I think the bills to which The Prophetic One refers were on the video, which has been removed. However, if you Google any string of the above text, maybe one of the 1,700+ results will include the bill information.

I would also like to draw your attention to this gem: "BUSH WILL PUSH TO SHOW YOU HOW MUCH POWER HE HAS AND THE TERM 'HOMELAND' IS AN EASTERN GERMAN NAZI TERM." There is an Internet "law" of sorts called "Godwin's Law." The Law goes like this:

As a Usenet discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one.

While this was posted on a forum (maybe, who knows where it was originally posted?), the same rule seems to apply. Indeed, if you explore the Prophetic One's site, you'll see a few Hitler/Nazi pictures related to Bush. To place it in an analogy (A:B::C:D) then, we could say

Hatred of Bush:Nazi Connections::Kooky Theories:Caps Lock Messages.
As one final point, note that the vast Vatican/Israel conspiracy will force Sunday Laws upon us. For those that don't know, Sunday Laws are the old Blue Laws many counties used to enforce. Relatively few places enforce such codes today, a fact which particularly aggravates our Jesuit overlords. As such, the Jewish/Papal cabal has united to make sure we are in church and not drinking liquor on Sundays! Diabolical!

(Please, no one mention that the Jews observe the traditional Saturday Sabbath. Or, maybe there is a cabal within the cabal, and the Jesuits are planning to enforce the Sunday Laws upon the Jews. There's no honor these days, I tell you...)

Just to be clear: I do believe that there is a coming union between the nations called the "New World Order." I believe that union will start the final clock ticking before the Lord returns. So, please don't misunderstand me to say that believing in an end-of-days scenario is kooky. It is only called kooky by those who have a low view of Scripture.

However, these people who devote their time to scouring the media for the secret hand-gestures of millennia-old covert organizations (that have remained out of the sight of world powers but not of middle-aged men living in their parents' basements) have missed life. What is particularly sad is that their time is devoted to tearing down the genuine work of Christ in many Christian organizations, or defaming politicians who would better support Christian beliefs, all in the name of the proud axiom "you're a sheep, but I'm enlightened."

(I find it telling that the mood status of "The Prophetic One" is often set to "smart".)

It's time we start rebuking this silliness so that we can get back to proclaiming the Gospel. The last thing I want to hear a professing Christian say is "don't go to this church because the pastor said two words which appeared in an 1810 Illuminati document that nobody else but me (and people who are really in-the-know) knows about" or "don't go to a church that meets on a Sunday (or insert day-of-week) because the church is secretly a Rome-lover (or insert pejorative)." This does nothing but inhibit the spread of the Gospel and the growth of genuine believers.

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