That argument is full of *something*


Ugh, you're dense. That you could be hoodwinked into an tribal war-god religion from the Bronze Age proves that you are among those who lower America's collective intelligence quotient.

For atheists who troll the internet in their crusade to get converts or, at least, a rise out of Christians, this sums up their feelings for us. That's okay, we can still love them.

While marching to all corners of the internet, though, many of these crusaders have gathered their forces to mount a major ten-point offensive. Maybe you've seen part, if not all, of their iron-clad war machine that has become a popular internet meme. It is the evidence that you hung your brain on the hanger when entering the church building.

And I will now open the front door and invite in that brutal machine. Ready to be massacred? Here are the ten signs that you are an unthinking, knuckle-dragging Christian holding the world back from entering a new age of enlightenment.

  1. You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of your God.

  2. You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

  3. You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Trinity God.

  4. Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and animals.

  5. You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

  6. You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (4.55 billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by prehistoric tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

  7. You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs - though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend eternity in an infinite hell of suffering. Yet, you consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

  8. While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

  9. You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% failure was simply the will of God.

  10. You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.
Ready to convert to atheism now? No? At least agnosticism? I sense the doubt.



Okay, well, maybe I hyped this attack up a bit too much. So, I'll end my attempt at humor. For now.

There are a few items on the list that do deserve a cogent answer, if only for the sake of helping us better articulate our faith to those who ask. The top-ten statements are chock-full of rhetorical goodness, but at the core there are respectable objections.

What's more, young believers and public-school graduates like myself have been honest-to-goodness troubled by some items on the list. Some of us are part of the "low-hanging fruit" category: those plucked away with ease. For folks like myself, it is due to a total lack of learning critical thinking skills as a child, which is itself due to my ranking of Ninja Turtles and Mario Bros. over educational heavy-lifting.

To that end, the Pyromaniacs come to the rescue. In a post entitled "Redneck Atheism," Phil Johnson began going through this list Monday and will take it two or three questions at a time. Kudos.

Because "adults who create imaginary realities in which God doesn't exist..." well, never mind. It's not as pithy.

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