Let's have some scammer email fun
From time to time, I get some crazy, unsolicited mail. I thought you might enjoy one such item, and I hope that you would not fall prey to such a scam. My comments are in parentheses, and the original letter is in bold.
Dear Pastor,(Not that I need to see my name after "Pastor," but this nameless greeting this is the first sign of a form letter.)
Please accept my deepest apology for any disturbance this letter may cause you.(Oh, it's been no disturbance. I've found it to be quite entertaining!)
My name is Joseph I known we don’t know each other yet, but let me first say that I am a follower of Christ. I believe wholeheartedly in Christ’s work of redemption, restoration, and reconciliation that was completed on the cross. I love the Church (the whole Body of Christ, regardless of denominational affiliation) and believe God chooses to use the Church to carry on His work of redemption, restoration, and reconciliation.(Okay, so he's trying to convince me he's a Christian. However, based on the bad grammar of the rest of this letter, I suspected that these sentences were from somewhere else. After a quick Google search, I found that "Joseph" lifted this paragraph from some blog trying to sell Christian feminism [that I am not linking to]. Therefore, "Joseph" is probably not genuine about being a Christian.)
You may consider this rather a strange letter coming from a stranger as it does, one whom you never met.(Lol. This line actually comes from a letter John D. Rockefeller received in 1885 asking for a donation. I guess I'm in good company, or perhaps "Joseph" is long-lived and now writes to me.)
i know whenever we speak on the subject of giving,I’m aware that we are dealing with a sensitive area where people are easily offended.hope you will not be offended with this?(I believe this to be the author's own craftsmanship on display.)
giving to the poor will not only bless us, but it will also ensure our own abundant provision. God’s word here is also clear that if we avoid helping those in need,then we will suffer loss. Obeying God’s commandments will always bring many rewards to our life(He lifts this piece of prosperity poppycock word-for-word from a Patheos blog post on helping the poor. That aside, the author is suggesting he's is poor and in need, and that I will be blessed if I give him money and will suffer loss if I turn him away. In other words, I'm reading a chain letter. Do not fall prey for such techniques.)
as in Matthew 25:36 Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited Me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.(As we will see, the author is neither naked, nor sick, nor in prison.)
Please i will want you to know that assistance could make miracles happen for me.(See, here's his BIG mistake. He should be promising me a miracle if I send him money! I mean, come on, he's supposed to play on what he supposes is my desire to be wealthy like him. This is bush league, "Joseph." Bush. League.)
However,my reason for contacting you is to solicit business grant for a new business that I wish to set up. I have been working on this project for some time now and am finally ready to put all the pieces together to get the venture started and to successfully move forward.
Based on my intensive study, I estimate that I will be needing a capital of ($400.00) as an initial set up fee.I unfortunately do not have the funds available to me to cover this set up and would very much appreciate if you would consider providing me with a young business entrepreneurial grant for the business as soon as i hear from you i will update you with more details.
I hope that you will see the potential in my planned business and support me in this endeavor.(I bet you didn't see that coming! This is slightly altered from a free business letter template for securing grants. I'm surprised that he thinks a pastor would be in the business of, well, business, but perhaps "Joseph" thinks that pastors are easier to spiritually manipulate.)
Sincerely,(No last name or contact information, no company information, and no business plan. Just a Yahoo email address. I'm not a bank manager who could help business startups, but on behalf of all banks everywhere, in perpetuity, I must deny this request.)